Glimpse of sand

“Do you think they will answer us readily?” Arjun appeared slightly skeptic.
“Let's see. But I don't think there will be much problem. After all its always so good to see the fellow men once you are in the foreign land.” Replied Subodh.
“Well, they sure must be happy to see us then.” Arjun appeared to be done with his doubts as he saw Subodh smiling.
“How many more days of stay do you have left?” Subodh inquired.
“Perhaps two. Once I am done with my work, I shall fly soon after.”
Arjun suddenly hints Subodh to stop the vehicle by the forlorn brown tent settlement in between that wide stretching desert. The people inside the tent heard the car stopping by their place. Two people draped in  blue colored checkered lungyi and white cotton vest came outside from the tent.
“Hello”
“Hello” Both  parties exchanged their regards.
“My name is Arjun. He is my friend Subodh.”
“Okay.” Said the older one.
“We are also Nepalese. I am here from Kathmandu. And he is already here in Qatar for more than four years.”
“Yea, okay.” Again it was  older one in his amazing composure.
“We are pleased to see you. It feels good to see any Nepalese here Sir. But can we know what you are
here for?” The man added.
“We are here to meet you in the first place. And as we do this, I will also get to know how our Nepalese brothers are living here in this country. Well, we have brought you something as a gift.” Arjun
appeared humble as he handed them a polythene bag.
“Can we know your good names please?” Arjun asked.
“I am Narendra chaudhary and he is Samar chaudhary. There is other lad as well. He is inside the house with his fractured arm.” Samar appeared happy as Narendra handed him the bag.
“Fractured arm? How did it happen?”
“The camel hit him as he was milking it.”
“Oh! Where is he? Can we see him?”
“Hey, samar you go and bring the stools for the gentlemen. Also call that boy outside.” Narendra continued .“Its a bit crowded inside sir. So I thought it would be better outside.”
“Yeah, yeah it would be totally fine. And where is the boy?”
“He is inside. Sleeping. You know, he is a bit of a shy lad. He said he will come in a while.” said
Samar.
“Oh..is he? Okay then.” laughed Arjun.
The sun was red in the sky towards the west. The red beams of light were striking the wrinkled face of aging humble man. Narendra placed his left hand on his forehead to escape those sharp rays that were causing him difficulty to see.
“How old have you been uncle?” Arjun asked looking at Narendra. Subodh then turned on the recorder.
“I will turn sixty one by the end of the next month.”
“What is that sir? Is it a camera?” Inquired Samar in a restless voice.
“Oh, its not a camera. Its a recorder. Voice recorder alone.” Corrected Subodh.
“So, are you supposed to record our voices and broadcast from a radio all over the country. It wont befine sir if you mean to do so. Our family know something else about us. They think that we are very content here, that we live a moderately affluent lifestyle. They will be dishearten sir, they will be disappointed. Please don't do that.” Samar hastened to express his insurgent fears.Subodh stopped suddenly after hearing him.
“No, no brother. I am not going to do that. Your fear is logical. But this is for my sole purpose. I am writing a research paper on migrant workers. Its just that I am recording our talks in case I might miss some significant details while recalling. So, you need not fear. I assure you, I wont do something like hurting your sentiments.” Arjun clarified.
“Okay then Sir. But..” Samar murmured.
The shrill nuzzing of camel was heard from a distance. Surprisingly a young man made his way from the inside to the bench and sat therein. His long legs were exposed to the larger portions as he wore a very short shorts which was dark in color that appeared to be in accordance to his darker skin hue.
“This is our boy, Vikram.”
“Hello sir.”
“Hello Vikarm. How is your arm now?”
“Better sir. Its been over a weak. Only a little pain persists. The wound has healed now.”
“Good. I hope you will be completely fine soon.”
“Thank you sir.”
“So, how are you all here?” Arjun makes way for a meaningful conversation.
“ What more do you want to know sir? Everything is in front of you in a clear image. May be you've known the heat of Doha and how it burns you. But to our greater misfortune we know it even bitter in this sand. The cold in the night is no less satanic.” Narendra continues “our fate deceived us. And thats how we are here sir. If only we had means just enough to sustain the living alone, we would have been with our families. We were not pulled by the greed for luxury but pushed by our misery. Its been twelve years that I've been waking up to see this desert. There are about fifty camels in the farm and it is not easy for the three of us.”
“I can understand how difficult can it get.” Arjun further inquired “ How often do you miss your families?”
“So much. We turn insane at times when we think about them. I feel like running right away to them. But you know sir, its a tragedy that we are inundated by this sand all around, stretching so wide. We have no means to go. Our master has got our passport. We were brought here the same day we landed in this gulf. It was on the way we saw the city with lights, tall buildings and so many vehicles. It was fascinating. We didn't know that we were supposed to live this kind of life in a place that cant get any worser.” Samar told his story.
The sun was no more visible in the west. The evening was looming forward in its exuberance and the view had turned magnificent from a distance. Small traces of light were raining through the clouds and the grains of sand were glittering in their vanity. The desert appeared boastful for its beauty that was ignoble.
“And you, Vikram, whom do you miss? You must have left so many heartthrobs back in the country. You look so good man. Have you had a girlfriend?” Arjun asked turning towards Vikram in a jesting mood to mitigate the situation.
“I had sir.” Smiled shyly. “But I married her a month before I came here.” He continued. “And sir, I am a father now. My wife delivered a baby girl five days ago. I knew it only yesterday from my cousin.” “You know sir, children are blessings of god. It doesn't matter to me if its a girl or a boy. I am very happy sir.”
“ Yes they are. So then it hasn't been a long time that you are here.”
“No sir. Its been just around a year and half.”
Arjun and Subodh exchanged the looks. Narendra and Samar held the dumb state that clearly implied their softest corner for their inmate while Vikram kept maintaining that shy happiness in his youthful face. In no minutes, a sudden and violent dust storm descended therein to hide his face, hide their faces in the mist of cold sand. After the storm had moved away, Arjun and Subodh left for their place. But the rueful state of Vikram followed Arjun for all his way to the city.

The taxi

The afternoon sun was blazing in its magnificence. The sweat droplets were falling down his nose tip as he was looking for the passenger near the TIA.

“Is the taxi unreserved?”

A young woman in the loose cotton trousers asked him as she got near to the taxi. No doubt she was looking good but her beauty was at uncertainties. She had neatly masked her facial features in a purple scarf and rayban's sunglasses. However, her round and fair wrists resting in the window brim by the side of his, the taxi driver's seat appeared graceful as they gestured in accordance to her speech.

“Yes. On your service madam. Let me know, where are we to go?”

“Chitwan, Narayangarh.”

“Hmm..Chitwan? Okay let me think.”

“ Hmm? Decide fast. Can you not see that the sun is harsh now? Can you not see that it is burning my back?”

She sounded unduly innocent as she put those questions. He could do nothing except than to flaunt his beautiful smile.

“Okay madam. Get seated. Let me help with your luggage.”

“No thanks. It will be fine with me, aint that heavy at all.”

“How much would you charge me?” she asked as she got inside the taxi.

“Not much madam. See, the price of fuel has sky rocketed within a week. So, the traveling cost has increased accordingly. Others don't go for a penny less than three thousand. You can give me 2500 and that would do.”

“I hope you are not swindling with me.”

“How can I madam? I am a decent young man obsessed with the dignity. I have my ethics that wont let me do certain things as such.”

“You know madam, I don't usually go outside the valley. Its just that I cant help but become obliged at women's grace.” He added.

“Okay. Fine. So, can we be a little fast? Its about to 1:00 pm, I suppose.”

“Of course madam. don't worry. You'll be there before the evening if everything goes fine.”

“What do you mean by if...?”

“Nothing mam. Leave it. See, there are things you don't have any control upon. So, it seems that you are heading to your home right?

“Yes I am.”

“Hmm. Okay. So you must have had a wonderful time in the states, I suppose. No any tension of petrol, no bandas, no strikes, no pollution. Cool climate. But you see, everything is in ruins here.”

He sounded more enthusiastic to extend the conversation. While she appeared disinterested to a good degree. The wheels of the taxi were rotating in a mild and careful speed. Gentle wind was blowing outside and she could sense it through the window of the taxi. Few strands of her hair had escaped out through the scarf to play with the wind breeze.

“How long has it been...?”

“It has been long long enough. We Nepalese don't have enough stamina left for it, to endure the same painful situation for so many years.” He intervened to answer before she could complete.

“No, no. I was asking how long its been that you are driving the taxi?”

“Oh. It will be three years in coming July.”

“Okay.”

“But madam, you know I am not going to continue it for long. I have my plans.”

“Hmm. Okay. What are you thinking to do then?”

“If fate allows, we can meet someday in the states. Its been my dream to go to America since the day I heard people talking about the place. They say, its the heaven in earth.” He said in an exuberant tone treated with a conspicuous layer of impatient hopefulness.

“I hope your dreams will come true.” She said in a softer voice as she took off her sunglasses and folded to hang them from her cleavage.

“ You know madam, I have completed my B.A three years ago. B.A in English. Its just that I couldn't find any job here in Nepal that would pay me as much as this taxi earns for me. Actually, you know, I ran and walked, rushed and sighed; I left no stone unturned to find the job. But see, nobody trusted me. I heard from nowhere. It was just the waste of money paying the typewriter for my C.V and xeroxing the certificates for how many copies, heavens know.”He continued as he adjusted the back mirror just ahead of him.

“I used to work as a shopkeeper boy in Hari uncle's grocery store. His sister brought me to Kathmandu while I was still a child. She was an INGO volunteer in my village. I was in 6^th standard at then, I guess. I grew up therein, working as the shopkeeper. They paid for my education, let me stay along with them, gave me comfortable bed. But didn't paid extra money as wage. But must say, they were best human beings I have met. Don't mind madam, you don't look anything less than them. You must be a very good human being yourself. It seems from your conduct.” His eyes were time and again glimpsing at the mirror that reflected her powerful eyes and even more powerful chest with voluptuous breasts no matter how hard he tried not to stray his focus from the road that lay ahead.

“Thanks.” She smiled. This time her scarf had displaced itself down her chin about the neck. The smile was a killer one.

“I've been collecting money for the very thing. If I could collect some more, I will soon after start preparing for the IELTS examination. They say you have to read a lot for the test. Even now I read books, quite a deal of them. But all are Nepali translations. See, how much we think we know the language, nothing will come easy as the mother tongue itself. What do you say madam? Well, you sure must have mastered the language.”

A smile except nothing comes her way.

“Am I boring you madam?”

“No no. Its not that.”

“Then what it is?”

“A slight headache. May be travel sickness.”

“Oh oh. You must have made me aware. Lets stop for the lunch. Have some food and water and you'll be fine.”

“No. Ain't that big deal. I'll be fine.”

“C'mon madam. You don't have to hesitate.”

She smiles.

“Okay then let me bring a bottle of water for you.”

He stoped the taxi by the side of a motel and was back within a blink of lashes.

“So, here it is mam.” He said passing her a bottle of mineral water.

“Thanks.”

“So, how long have it been madam? After how many years are you going to your house?”

“Two years but feels like two eras.”

“We sure feel nostalgic when we think of our place, our home. But I say you, you wont be able to hold for long here. Things will conspire against it. Well, how long will be your stay?”

“May be a month or two.”

“Okay. So, where exactly is your home from Narayangarh?”

“Not very far.”

“So, then I will drop you to your home. You don't have to pay me extra for it.”

“Thanks. I will go by my own. I have some work in Narayangarh.”

“I will wait. If it wont take that long.”

“Ahh..You are so kind. I appreciate your kindness but I will be fine with my own. Its enough

if you'll safely drop me to the city. By the way, how long are we still to go?”

“We are half way now.”

“Okay.”

“I guess you've forgotten quite a deal about the native land.”

“No, no. Its not like that. I didn't travel this road that frequently. And you see it looks same everywhere.”

“Okay. Yeah it does.” He said with an audible laugh this time.

She then suddenly took out an iphone from her bag and plugged the earphone on her ears.

On looking at the mirror, he did the same but it was a mobile not iphone. After about five minutes or so he suddenly unplugged the earphones.

“what it is madam you are listening to?”

“wait. Okay. What were you saying?” She took out the earphones held them in her both hands one on each as she responded him.

“Is it a song madam?”

“Yes it is.”

“English?”

“No. Nepali.”

“Which one? Cant we turn on the loudspeaker madam?”

“Okay.”

The voice of Anju pant was echoing from the iphone as she was singing the song of tragedy, 'nabirsein timilai, na paayein timilai.'

“I love this song a lot madam. You know I once thought that I would die listening to it. The song would play continuously on my taxi. But now the player is gone, when a micro bus hit the taxi a month ago.”

“Even I love the song. Its too good.”

Then the series of song kept playing on her iphone. No conversations interrupted the melancholic tragedies that were echoing out of her phone.

“Madam we are about to reach the place, within 15 minutes at maximum.”

“Is it?”

“Yes.”

“Can I ask you something?”

“Of course. Can you please turn off the song.”

“Okay. Sure. But why? Is there something attached to it?”

“No. Not exactly but see, we will be parting ways in no minutes. And the song is kind of aggravating the already desolating time.”

Both smiled the benign smiles.

The taxi stopped after a while.

“Here we are madam.”

He came out of the taxi and opened the door for her.

“let me take the luggage out.”

“Thanks.”

“Well, madam its weird but we don't actually know each other, not the name alone. I am Arun Upadhyaya.”

“I am Suruchi Pariyar. I am from Doha and not America. I am a waitress over there at a hotel. I had a nice time with you.” Both smiled. He, kind of awed one. She, kind of detached one.

He remained there for a while as he watched her heading to the IME office nearby the vehicle stop. The tag on her luggage read 'Qatar airlines. Doha to Kathmandu.'

*TIA= Tribhuwan International Airport

*IME= International Money Exchange

If someday..

Someday, if you have to go leaving me yet again

without any words of adieu, without the last glimpse of my face

then I'd grieve not a bit at your exile from my realm

I know it ain't easy, but my hope will be rugged than anything else

As I understand within that sickening loneliness amidst the weird crowd

you'll just like me wont be able to hold for long

without the firmness of my fingers as they lovingly curl upon yours

If it turned out that you've decided it hard this time,

even then my hope will remain rugged than anything else

As I understand within the uniformity all across, you'll hit things

that'll remind you my love which wont let you hold for long

without the warmth of my shoulders as they gravely embrace you

If it turned out that you have moved on and found someone

even then my hope will remain rugged than anything else

As I fear within the turbulence of time you might hell yeah have

to shiver in the solitude, then I will be reminded to you along with

the stream of my tears I would roll down just for you, for me and for us..

The forlorn

The sun was escalating its predominance. People were scratching their head, wiping their forehead, blowing air out their mouth and so on. The shrill noise from the combo of five ethnic musical instruments was even intensifying the already desolating setting. Everyone appeared to have holding a peculiar kind of loneliness amidst the good mass of people all around. People were scattering all over in a random fashion carrying random expressions in the frontal courtyard that was extending to a wider length. Their confused and eccentric gazes at one another when observed from a distance were sure to amuse even the stoic one. Slowly, the localized mass was getting distributed around the various zones of wedding abode. Few colonized for the card game. Few were spotted chatting in the shade of extended roof above. Few were enjoying the wedding feast that was probably turning a little more salty by the sweat droplets falling down their nose tip. And surprisingly, there were few who seem to be absorbed in the ceremonial wedding worship going on towards the centre of the courtyard, enduring the vehement heat of sun or perhaps, heedless of the fact.

And she was there in her dark couch that had turned even darker by the gloom filled inside it. Her feet were suspended down as she folded them to lay herself gently in a seated position on her bed. Her tender toe tips just touched the newly plastered mud floor beneath them. She had been as such for more than five hours. Her poise voiced the fact. She appeared calm and composed. The demoniacal despondency had finely clad over her a veil of lie. She at then didn't have the strength to pull it off and cry out her pain. Her eyes were empty but still were speaking the weird horror she was instilled with and only the one having sublime humane inside could listen to them. She was wearing a pink floral skirt and it was complementing her brown skin to a fine degree. She at times would stare at her skirt umbrella and shut her eyes for a while to reminisce the day when her sister had sewn it for her. And at times she would grab the knotted tails of her hair on the sides and would release them abruptly to again shut her eyes and reminisce the morning when her sister had tied them prior to the ceremony.

The hours kept adding and she was still continuing with the similar stance. The light turned even more meager through the narrow ventilation on the top just beneath the ceiling towards the left wall. And there was not a single rustle from the door. It was very unlikely for anybody to show up, she presumed. She then all of a sudden, lifted herself from there and went out of the room to only get bogged down in the deluge of people. No body noticed her presence nor reminisced her absence. Her thin stature along with her fragile psyche appeared to be squeezed by the bulk of masses concentrated in front of her house towards the temporal entry gate erected the night before. In front of the gate, there stood a long bus already loaded with the people. The continuous array of heads visible through the window of the bus implied that. Nevertheless, she struggled to find her way up to the bus where her sister was sobbing severely, sitting in the frontal seat next to her newly married husband. She was just about to climb up the bus and go up to her sister when somebody from the behind grabbed her tender shoulders with a force enough to supersede her strength and stop her short. She was then lost somewhere inside the crowd with her otherwise wide face strikingly narrowed down by a larger scale. Also, she had drooped down uncannily for her to possess the energy to drain out the pain. Her naiveness was doing her no good. The only thing she knew about the things happening around was she hated them and the hatred was causing enormous sore in her heart.

Ten days after, she was seen walking down the same road along which the bus had made its way. Her timid feet appeared to be rushing towards nowhere with the hope of reaching out to her sister. She would at times speed up jerking her protruding breasts as she was just hitting her puberty. She was dressed in a sky blue shirt and navy blue skirt with black colored rubber slippers on her feet. Her feet had cracked heels and dried ankles with stubbornly attached dirt on them to mark her uncouthness. The regular red ribbon on her messy hair gave a clear sense of her being forsaken.

Later, the sun had completely left when her father first acknowledged her absence; mother felt the rapid heart beats and two big brothers appeared worried. Then the months passed and years passed. Heart beats slowed down; worry subsided. All gone with her going on.

I want you to know few things.

I want you to know few things.

That if I look through the glass of my window

the birds are singing in those tall mahogany trees

bouncing full with the swing of spring

and this ain't the thing that keeps me staring but that long stretching road which

once used to lead your steps down for you to see me.

That if I look up in the open sky at the peculiar noon hour

(for hours melt into seconds in love and I don't keep the track of time)

the azure serene sky is stretching up to nowhere

and this ain't the thing that keeps me wondering but your

images dismantling themselves (with those splitting fuzzy cloud) and shocking me; awing me in a weird norm.

That if I lie in my bed as if I had been as such for years

(for hours can stretch into years as well in love)

then know it dear, that I ain't dreaming about you,

nor about the days of my glory that shall come

but the thing that keeps my eyes shut is the fear to face my days marred with your ghastly wisdom.

That if I fake the ugly (not genuine) smiles at times

loud hints of happiness evolve with milder shades in your face

(I can see it all clear dear) then think not that you were verily true

and I couldn't help but affirm to your acts

but the thing that keeps my lips stretching is I'm often condemned to have a fatal smile; thought it would kill you (and then I would kill myself).

Synopsis

Saga of the lost

We all inherit an elusive disease inside us for we all shall die someday.

Aakarshan is lost most of the whiles for many reasons. A weird kind of disease called self-defeating personality disorder slowly gets into him which appears more exacting when he is around 18 or so. The disease is so severe that it doesn't allow him to achieve what he strives for, that is to write and complete what he writes. The disease demands him excessive self-sacrifice, propels him towards the things least suited, and fills him with a bizarre kind of fear to hold the happiness which he very much deserves. Not to forget, the disease lacks a proper cure and also it can hardly be prevented.

It had been quite a while that Aakarshan had broke up with Abida after almost one and half years of constrained relationship at the time he first meets Surabhi. Surabhi is enamored by his charms from the day she sees him. Also Aakarshan becomes unable to deny his propulsion for her from the day he meets her.

Aakarshan aids to the fire Surabhi sets by asking her for another meeting after the first apparently accidental one. Surabhi, though elated appears composed during the whiles she is with him. Aakarshan couldn't help but is swept away by her amazing candor and splendid grandeur emanating from her being. Her words and the meeting and the whole situation gets him in as such that he believes he now got that consummate panacea he needed to consume his wounds Abida gave him, to consume his difficult psyche he already had and to consume his elusive disease he inherited.

He after that meeting, sees Abida for the last time when she brings him the letters he wrote her and the book he gave her as he asks for them with the desire of undoing and withdrawing all the feasible things concerning the relationship they once shared. Things turn a sort of anticipated. She remains dry and hard shattering his terminating and thus vehement desire for her. Mind-broken and heartbroken, he gets on his bike and meets with an accident on his way to the home. His broken ankle has him confined within the walls of his house for about a month.

The day he unbinds the plaster, he makes a call to Surabhi. Surabhi gets surprised and filled with sublime emotions by his call after so long, after a whole long month for she was getting to believe that she failed to interest him. She readily submits to his desire to see her asap and cant help not doing so. A month long gap acts as catalyst and she in no way becomes able to suppress the vehement reactions taking place within her. There appears nothing to stop confessing her feelings for him. She lets those three words escape. 'I love you.' She finally utters. Aakarshan is taken aback by those words. After an uncomfortable while of dead silence, he speaks something else, something different from what he was going to say. The disease comes into play and the picture of his last meeting with Abida and some vague sort of image of a girl who had got his heart to pace up bizarrely for the first time, come to his mind and make his words to go berserk. He shakily admits that he is an exorbitant to whom no one can love, or continue to love. The dejection at being rejected, the pathetic wraith of subjugated and an uncanny dread even at her supposedly kind words loom around his face. All these things scare Surabhi and fill her with some suspicions at him, suspicions at her own words. She doesn't try to assure him of her love. She herself isn't that sure of it.

Both don't see each other for some while until one evening Aakarshan sees her with a guy walking in the opposite side of the road and in opposition to him. They both meet each other's sight few days after in a restaurant when Aakarshan gets therein to feed his hungry stomach after he returns from a travel agency seeking a guide as he develops a fanciful idea of trekking in the Himalayas. Surabhi feels uncomfortable in Aakarshan's presence as that very guy with her pulls her close and closer to him. However, Aakarshan feels nothing as things with him turn stoic all again. He then leaves the cafe for home soon after he is done with his food thus causing her easy.

After Aakarshan meets the director of the travel agency, the director lets him know that he can join the foreign troop of doctors and premed students as an interpreter on their medical campaign in one village of Himalayan region as he enjoys the trekking. Aakarshan readily agrees and appears happy after a long time.

During the course of his trekking, Aakarshan again, without his desire develops some exotic feelings for a fair skinned, blue eyed, voluptuous and beautiful American lady named Cynthia. She is a premed student belonging to the very medical troop Aakarshan accompanies as an Interpreter. Some series of incidents bring them closer and lead them to confront each other's denuded self. But unfortunately, even her wild and vigorous kisses over his whole being fails to keep him erect. He tries hard and keeps trying hard until he finally gives up holding his erection. His disease doesn't let him achieve what he strives for and thus fills him with a weird kind of wraith, at his ruthless disease, at his own self. Cynthia spots goosebumps after the vehement heat from the squirming emotions and unsatiated desires departs her. She then covers her revealed self and helps him cover his.

After that incident, something gets between them and they appear way distant from each other. Their conversations get limited to the 'Hi' alone during those afterwards trekking days. In the last day of the trekking, Aakarshan asks Cynthia to see him the day after they reach the capital. Cynthia affirms with an ease.

They meet in a restaurant very near to the hotel Cynthia stays. Both appear worn out and thus indifferent. Aakarshan though confused, lets her know that he loves her, the love he himself wasn't that sure of. Cynthia's wise denial and few inspiring statements that time supposedly fail to mark any significance in Aakarshan. He then moves away from there in seemingly deaf and dumb state.

Few days afterwards, he sees Malini in a wedding bash of her sister and his sister's brother in-law. They are introduced to each other by their parents therein. However, an accidental meeting in an archaic garden brings them closer, close enough for Malini to visit his home almost whenever she preferred. Malini feels an intense warmth in the proximity of his mother, of Aakarshan's mother. Her closeness to his mother leads her to understand Aakarshan in more real terms, more true terms. She then, slowly and unknowingly begins to develop a profound inclination towards Aakarshan. Her love for him only gets increased with the days passing by. And then the time comes when she couldn't restrain her feelings and gives them the way out up to him, in the very garden they had encountered each other for the second time. After a considerable while of desolating dumb state, Aakarshan speaks as he admits his impotency or Saintism as he quotes in an ornamented fashion. Malini's skin hues whiff away and she is rendered colorless. She looks for a fleeting second in Aakarshan's empty eyes, pallid skin and hardened face and walks out after turning away suddenly as all those things scare her. He appears someone else to her that time, a dreadful species of some bizarre kind.

Aakarshan too walks out after watching her walking away. That very day, he finishes the fictionalized account of the more or less actual events he met with as he lived his days. After he is finished with his writing, he takes like around 10-12 sleeping pills and lies on his bed wrapping himself up on his soft camel fur blanket. On his bed, he lies with his eyes wide open as he waits for the eternal sleep to embrace him. There infront of his eyes, he sees his sister pinching his nose, he sees himself kissing his niece's forehead, he sees his mother embracing him tight and he sees Malini teasing on him. And he sees his own ashamed face in Cynthia's eyes as she stood there in front of him. Also he sees Surabhi making a fleeting appearance before his eyes. After a while of darkness, he turns to look at the spine of the diaries he had filled with and there he sees 'Shades Of Blue' written by himself. He then sees a gentle smile making its way to him. The nature of his disease doesn't allow him to hold that smile and he suddenly turns other way. And finally, he sees her, he sees Abida lying by his side. He sees in her eyes a strong and vehement desire to get him inside her, get herself inside him. He lets her do so by submitting his absolute self. It is 00:12 in his watch when he breathes his last as he finally ejaculates wetting his cotton trousers.

You took my heart away..

I searched all over since the yesterday's eve
but couldn't find it anywhere, could find it nowhere
and now I'm all too numb and all too stiff and pale
Dear, you took my heart away, Honey ahh! you took my heart away

I've been bleeding hard on my chest
and I cant even drain out my pain
it lies within me insentient and unfeeling because
Dahlin you took my heart away, oh! Baby you took my heart away

I watch all alone, lonely, at my own
and I cant even say words of pity
nor express the angst of sympathy because
my peachy pie you took my heart away, Oh! My hero, you took my heart away

A poem

Though the brutal hazards of life may stretch in front of us
we will yield not to them but instead fight with the strength of our heart
that had just been turned into one.

The cold of January may harshly act upon us
we will shiver not but hold firmly on to each other and breathe out the excess warmth
that had just been evoked by our thrust.

The monsoon rain may try to defile us as we walk hand in hand
we will give it a damn; wont look behind and stick hard to the truth inside us
that had just been discovered by the nudity of our selves.

Likewise, the beautiful autumn may even try to deceive us
we will betray not on to each other nor even suspect at each other's honesty
that had just been reinforced by our faith.

Contrariwise, then the spring of love will surely smile on us
we will then continually smile at each other and bloom the flowers of modesty
that had long been the essence of our roots.